Eilean’s Grief - RST

Grief comes in many shapes and forms. The Raw grief that has rocked my world and brought me to my knees is the death of my eldest son Brady, in May of 2020.

Grief to me is the final yet everlasting expression of ones Love for someone who is no longer with you while on this journey called Life.

They say grief knocks at everyone’s door at some stage in our life. I say Grief BARGES IN. We don’t have the option to accept or reject.

The WORST Grief is… “YOUR GRIEF” Grief is indeed as personal as our own fingerprints.

- I’m in this dance called Life…. and I’m for the most part loving this dance.

- Grief barges in and grabs me as its dance partner.

- I don’t want to dance with this “jerk” called grief. I fight back, I resist, I deny, I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m resentful and I’m scared.

- Seems like the more I resist and fight the worse I feel and the harder it becomes to dance. The pain gets stuck and causes dis-ease in my body.

- So, I’ve decided to get to know this grief intimately, with Love and Compassion…allowing grief to settle. 

- I will Surrender to what is, even though I don’t like it, giving myself the grace to explore and express but also gently taking the lead towards Thriving.

- I am sure we will stumble, miss steps and feel the pain but hopefully over time not as frequently or as brutally.

- I am of the belief that if I treat grief this way it will soften and create enough space for me to eventually start: 

           Living again and not just Existing

           Love more than I Suffer

           Laugh more than I Cry

And one day THRIVE

The grief itself does not change.

I am simply making the Choice to grieve with Love rather than grieve with pain.

I truly believe with all my heart that’s what both Brady and Drew (my youngest beloved) not only want for me but also expect of me. I am WILLING to work towards meeting and maybe one day exceeding their expectations.

I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH!

We unfortunately don’t have a choice about when and how grief barges into our lives. We do however get to choose our Attitude and Approach. I know IT IS NOT AN EASY ROAD but I am willing to do the HARD WORK.

Healing Hearts Thrive was born out of this decision/desire…. Not to only start the journey of healing my own heart but to “Hold Space” for other hearts to journey towards healing.

Raw Surrender Thrive

“I Never Walk Alone”

Eilean Mackay-Pendergast